Relationships and caring, part 3

I never though this could be such fun.
Hooray for me I'm the lucky one



In the last article, I mixed to two thoughts together, and I realized that only thanks to the comments.
The main point about not caring about others and caring more about yourself, because that might actually be a better way to help others, is true, but I think I didn't explain it properly.
Instead I changed the subject to an article about responsibility, which I also think I didn't explain the best way I could have. But what can you do?

I did the following:
I took down the article and added two paragraphs. It would be better if you could read the two previous articles about this topic, but if you don't want to or you think you remember it, I copied the two added articles in here:

Friend just told me that my attitude is wrong because there needs to be people who show others what they can achieve. I agree with him, everyone should support others in achieving something, but for me that means support and advice.

Also it means to show the possibilites of life, to show other options and different ways of doing things. And I think the best example would be my trip to NZ. I don't think it was anything hard, that it was a challenge. I had a nice, easy year. But for some people it seems unreal. To go alone to the opposite side of the world right after you finished high school, and take care of yourself for a year, seems like impossible challenge. But I just showed you, it is possible and you can enjoy it!

That's what other people are here for.

Untill NZ I didn't really think about studying abroad. But my friend was planning to study in NY and she did it, she's there and she's happy.

Few weeks back when I was palling it too, obviously influenced by her decision, I explained my plans to another friend  and he said with a suprised face: " I can go study there too!" (or something like that)

I'm not sure if I really affected him that much, but still I had some influence on this idea and his decision.

That's what it's all about! About inspiration, about giving motivation, about showing the options.

When I see someone who's happier than me, at first I get jealous and angry, and say it's not fair. When I calm down I start to think about what I can do to make my life better and that's the difference!

That's why you shouldn't care about others, because unless they realize this, they're fucked and they'll miserable forever.

Being less involved applies for all sorts of things. Take a look at politics. For example the "positive dicrimination", when politics create rules to determine how many women there have to be in a leading positions. No! Just no!

There are capable women who want these kind of positions and, unlike in the past, noone is stopping them. My sister is studying math and IT. Is she weird compared to other women? Sure! But she wants to do it, she is doing it and the thing is: no one is trying to stop her. In these days when women want to do something, they can! The reason why there are not many women in politics or leading positions or science is because they don't want to.

Most women don't have the need to be powerful, while men do.

Most women don't want be in charge, but men do.

Most women are not interested in math, while men like it.

This is generalization of course (and a huge one), but there can't be rules about how many women/asians/afroamericans there have to be in schools, companies or politics.

And here comes the final (hopefully :) part of this crazy talk!

I still believe that if everyone cared less about others and also about what others think of them, everyone and everything would be a bit better.
I still think that people should stop getting involved in other people's lives.

But the result ot all of this should be something else than what I wrote.
I said I don't care, but the truth is:
I do care!

And I hate it!

Problem is I notice when people complain and when people are unhappy and it makes me sad or exhausted. I do it mostly unconciously, but in the last few days I realized how much I'm affected by people.
When I was on Sziget, I spend a week with people I like, but mostly with people who had no problems and who enjoyed life and I had the best time!
When I'm in a pub with my friends I'm with people I like, I care about and/or people who complain, who are unhappy I feel bad and maybe not during that time, but definitely the day after. I feel tired, exhausted and I don't want to do anything
For the past few years I just thought I am antisocial person. I'm not! I just don't like to see people unhappy.
Well... I am more antisocial than social and it seems I'm just somehow too sensitive about other people OR I got it all wrong and there are completely different reasons and explanations...

But no matter what are the reasons, I need to leave!
I see no way to help you unless you decide to do it.
I don't want to waste my time on you, when I see there's no point.
Yet, I still care if you're happy. You still affect my mood and you still make me feel bad, when I see you complain.

Which leads only to:
I've had enough!
So fuck you!

I'm sorry, but I do care and I don't want to. I don't want to be with people who make me feel bad.
I'd rather be completely alone than live like this.
And that's why I left to NZ, because I've had enough of this, but I didn't know why. When I came back it was all good, I've had the best summer ever! Now it's back to normal and I don't like it again, and again I need to leave. But this time for good. This time I'll start again with people I love and who make me feel good about myself and about life. Who give me positive energy, who support me. And I'll find a new people who will be like that.

I'll have between 0-3 friends with me in US, depending on where I end up, and where they end up, when I start studying. The people who will always inspire me and who will always make me feel better, even if they tell me I'm an idiot, and even if their own lifes are going wrong. Because these people will get through it, these people will sort it out and these people can count on me for support.

I don't want to say I need only people who will support me. Hell no! I need someone to tell me I'm wrong. I'm excited about and I'm waiting for someone who will try, and not only try, but who will be able to change my mind. I need people to tell me I'm an idiot!
I just want people who are happy. You can hate me! You can insult me and you can say I'm doing everything wrong.
But be happy about it! Be happy with what you're doing, and give me a reason to see that everything's fine.
I don't care what you do, just be positive. Not only with words because that apparently doesn't matter that much. Show your positivity, show your love of life, smile, be nice to people and I'll love you even if I think you're a cretin and you'll think the same about me.

I'll still care about all the people I know, but only up to point when they can inspire me and show me, what they're doing, and only up to point when I can give them something. I want to end our conversations feeling good, not depressed because you're unhappy and you had to share with me all your problems. Share them, I don't mind and I'll be there for you, but be convinced it will get better.

I don't want to care about most of the people I know, because I don't really believe we have much in common, because I don't think we can give each other more than a nice talk twice a year.
And the most important thing is: I don't think you can be happy! I doubt you can enjoy life and not complain. I doubt you can share your good mood, because you will never have it.
That's finally the reason why I hated Czech and I left, and the main reason why I still plan to leave. Not because of the country, but because I chose the wrong people to be with!
We can and should keep in touch. You can read my blog and ask me whatever and whenever you want, and I'll probably want to know what and how are you doing, because we can still inspire each other or show a different view on life. But that's pretty much it.

Take it personally if you want to, take it whatever you want, because your response (if any) will help me to sort you betwen the groups I mentioned.
The point is: I care about all of you (up to a certain point), but I hate it because I want to care only about the people who I think deserve it and appreciate it.