Relationships and caring, part 2

The second and harder part of this madness.





So I somehow explained that I simply don't care. Now let me tell you why I do it and why I consider it good.

The beginning is nice, in the second part of this article I got carried away.

By that I don't want to say „don't take it personally“, because you should!

By that I don't mean to imply, that you are the one exception of this, because you aren't. This applies to everyone!

Also I took the article down for the day, because thanks to the comments (ignore them, mine makes no sense :-D) I realized a couple of things, and I wanted to edit this article, so I added two more paragraphs

First of all, I always say "not caring", but it's not the right term. Caring isn't a bad thing, I definitely don't want people to be selfish and/or selfcentered, and I don't want to encourage people to ignore others and act only for their own good.

The thing is about the way you care, and the way you involve yourself in other people's lifes.

For example helping others. Maybe I'm too selfish, but here's how I think of it.

When I see the someone, who clearly needs help, I'll gladly do it. I don't expect rewards and not even thanks, even though both things are appreciated. I like to think (and prove me wrong, if you don't agree), that I am a good person and I help when I can.

This applies for situations that involves some kind of action, or it's about money, or it's about giving advice, when I definitely know the person need it and will take it.

However, there are situations that aren't like that and most people get too involved with others.

For example: I was in NZ in a friends house. It was a nice day (really nice, especially compared to the other ones) and we were told to go out when it's such a nice day. The guy went out, but we stayed at home for the most of the day. Later he came back and asked me if we stayed the whole day in here. I said yes, he looked not only surprised, but also a bit angry or disappointed, and he went to talk to my friend to complain why we didn't go out on such a nice day.

Really?

It's none of your business! If we wanted to, we could have.

We didn't!

What does it say?

We probably had our reasons.

Sure, it might seem like a waste of time, like a waste of nice weather etc. But it was our decision, and it's not up to you to complain or feel offended. I would understand, if he looked surprised, made a joke about how stupid we are, but he went to complain to my friend, and asked why didn't she take me out for a walk or something.

This kind of behaviour from my point of view is pointless and unneccessary. Why? Because you all have a brain! You're supposed to be intelligent, thinking cratures and you can decide for yourself.

Yes, I am naive, because most of you have no idea what they want to do with their lifes, but the thing is, I do! I know what I want and I can decide for myself, and I expect the same from you. That means we can give each other advice, raise question, we can support each other and we can also say we think something is not a good idea, but that's it! It's none of your bussiness to question my actions. Unless it involves you of course. Or you know it's somehow offensive to someone else...

This applies for all sorts of things. Take a look at politics. For example the "positive dicrimination", when politics create rules to determine how many women there have to be in a leading positions. No! Just no!
There are capable women who want these kind of positions and, unlike in the past, noone is stopping them. My sister is studying math and IT. Is she weird compared to other women? Sure! But she wants to do it, she is doing it and the thing is: no one is trying to stop her. In these days when women want to do something, they can! The reason why there are not many women in politics or leading positions or science is because they don't want to.
Most women don't have the need to be powerful, while men do.
Most women don't want be in charge, but men do.
Most women are not interested in math, while men like it.
This is generalization of course (and a huge one), but there can't be rules about how many women/asian/afroamericans there have to be in schools, companies or politics.

Helping is a weird thing. Everyone always thinks that they know the best, and they can always help. I'm not sure how most people work and noone is really trying to give me advice, but from what I've seen, people who give advice are usually the ones who need to sort their lifes :-D

Sorry, but whenever I hear someone giving advice about life, I look at them and think: „Why the hell do you say that? Why the hell do you think you can give advice. Look at your own life!“

Exaggerating of course, but still...

From there we move to taking responsibility.

There's sooo many people who complain about the situation, but they do nothing to change it.

One very clear example.¨Recently I was talking about depression. It's a serious problem and it's not just being sad. One very nice explanation for it was: "real depression is not being sad when something in your life goes wrong, it's being sad when everything is going right"

Which explains it pretty well. So I had a discussion about that and the point I was trying to make was very simple.

Depression isn't anyone's fault, yet it's someone's problem. We have a person with depression, who's trying to hide it, because other people will judge him, and won't help him or they'll try, but they won't know how. One of the symptoms of depression is apathy, you simply don't care. You don't want to get better, you don't want to get help, basically you just want to end it and die.

I can't imagine how it feels to have depression, and I don't know how to help. I understand that the person won't ask other for help, for several reasons. I also know that when I hide it, other people, logically, won't notice it and therefore have no chance to help me.

Here comes the important part: It's my problem!

Even though I didn't make it, it's part of me and it's up to me to ask for help! It's very hard, if not impossible, to get rid of depression without any help, but when I hide it and don't ask for help, how I can expect to get better?

I know it's hard to fight depression. It's hard to fight the apathy, the feeling of acceptance, but there's noone (!), who can help unless I ask! Am I right?

Hell yeah!

I don't want to say depression is just about the state of mind and you just need to think positively.

I don't want to say you can get better on your own.

I don't want to say it's easy and these people are crazy.

All I'm trying to say is this: It's your problem! Who else can or should solve it, if not you?

Ask the people who got rid of their depression ;)

Guess what they'll tell you!

They'll tell you, they started to get better when they took action and they asked for help.

And it's not just about depression. Far from it...

It's about life!

You live your life and, as everyone else, you have problems. You can and definitely should ask for help, because that's why other people are here for. But it's your problem! You need to solve it!

Also I have advice for you...

Yeah! Right! Look at your life, you can't give me advice. You suck!

Whatever...

And that's my whole point! I don't care!

Suffer! Die! Be miserable!

Because I don't care!

My view is simple: if you can't get your shit together than you deserve to be miserable!

If you choose to complain, you deserve to feel bad.

If you choose not to get help, than die for god's sake! Because you apparently don't value your life.

Sounds harsh? It's supposed to!

I'm not without emotions. I would help strangers and even the people I don't like, but the thing is I see no point of getting involved in your miserable lifes. Why should I care? You need help, tell me and I'll do it. Unless you say so, I take it that you're fine.

Some pople in here would say, that some people are ashamed to ask for help or they feel you can't help. They feel that noone can and that there's no solution.

They would say you need to offer help and even if they refuse, you still need to try to help, because you care about them and you love them. It's not human, it's not nice not to help other people.

Ok, I understand, but hold on a second!

I help someone and this person refuses my help. I help again and this person refuses again. I try it again and this time he/she takes the help. I feel better and this person too. But after a while, it goes back to normal. I offer help several times more and sometimes I feel like something is changing, but then everything goes back again.

What's the point? Why should I try and waste my time on someone who doesn't want to get help?

If you like it and feel good, fine by me, but I'd rather do something productive:

LIKE HELPING THE PERSON WHO WANTS TO GET BETTER!

Got it? Of course not!

I'm cold blooded, logically thinking robot who has no emotions and empathy and therefore can't understand the people.

You might actually be right!
But think of this:

Are you happy? Do you have problems? Do you solve them or you just complain? Does the future looks, not only better, but does it look like you want it?

I tell you my answers.

No, I'm not happy and I do have problems, but I try to solve them. I try to get better and be better in everything. I try to make my own future the way I want it and to be honest, it looks awesome!

I don't know if I can get to US university, I don't know if I can finish it. I know that if I do, I'll own 150 000 dollars.

But I love it!

Because it's my decisions!

Because I have a goal and I go for it! Even if I fail I'd rather say „Ok, I didn't make it, let's see what else I can try“, than sit down and say „Well I wanted to study abroad, but I didn't have the money for it“ or „I couldn't leave, I had a partner“ or „I didn't know how“ or „I wouldn't have made it anyway“.

I'm not saying go study to US. Hell no! Study what you want, do what you want, work where you want. Just fucking do something you like, you care for and don't complain you can't do it.

Because you can!


Friend just told me that this attitude is wrong because there needs to be people who show others what they can achieve. I agree with him, everyone should support others in achieving something, but for me that means support and advice
Tell me it's more complicated and I think it's too easy.

Also it means to show the possibilites of life, to show other options and different ways of doing things. And I think the best example would be my trip to NZ. I don't think it was anything hard, that it was a challenge. I had a nice, easy year, but for some people it seems unreal. To go alone to the opposite side of the world right after you finished high school, and take care of yourself for a year seem like impossible challenge. But I just showed you it is possible and you can enjoy it!
That's what other people are here for.
Untill NZ I didn't really think about studying abroad. But my friend was planning to study in NY and she did it, she's there and she's happy.
Few weeks back when I was thinking about it too, I explained my plans and another friend said with a suprised face: "Why can't I go study to US?" and then he started planning his studies too.
I'm not sure if I really affected him that much, but I think I still had some influence on this idea and his decision.
That's what it's all about! About inspiration, about giving motivation, about showing the options.
When I see someone who's happier than me, at first I get jealous and angry and say it's not fair. When I calm down I start to think what I can do to make my life better, and that's the difference!
That's why you shouldn't care about others, because unless they realize this, they're fucked and they'll miserable forever.

At the end I just want to say this: If you don't agree with me on the main point here and you think I'm an idiot, I'm begging you! I really do! Tell me!

Tell me you don't agree, tell me I'm wrong and I can't undesrtand your situation.

Tell me, so I can tell you, that you're a fucking moron and you deserve to die unhappy.

Do you want to know the truth?

I don't want you to be miserable, but it's your life and if you don't realize that, I don't want to be near you.

I want people who know what they want, who go for it and who will support me no matter what, because that's exactly what I would do for them.

I  might not care about most of you, but I do care about the people who, I think, have a potential.

And for those people I would do anything, because I know it would matter, it would make a difference and they would really appreciate it.